I’m not sure exactly where this writing will take me or even to whom my audience will be; to be frank I feel as though I don’t remember much of how to write. The keys feel foreign to my fingertips and my mind seems to stretch as someone who has just woken from a deep night’s sleep – still quite rigid and not as limber as before.
Over a year has passed since my last writing – either a year or an eternity, I’m not quite sure; but it seems like a lifetime has come and gone in the past 12 months. A better way to describe it might be as a phoenix (so poetic, I know). The fact that the story of my life a year ago is somehow the prelude to the story being written now is cumbersome for me to think over. So much growth, so unexpected, so beautiful with God so undeniably by my side. That’s it– wrapped up, pretty and topped with a bow.
But no one benefits from a pristinely wrapped package. At least not if it’s left that way. No, the value of the package is not found in it’s beautiful or perfect edges. The true joy is found after the wrapping has been torn off and tossed aside, everything beautiful we’ve tried to dress it with has vanished and the box laid bare. Then goes the box, cut with a knife and ripped from it’s seams, just another example of a flimsy protective shell that unless done away with is just a barrier to the joy hidden inside.
Ah, there it is, the true treasure of the Gift, exposed finally to the One to whom it was intended for. Void of all barriers, Delight takes the room by storm. The Recipient rejoices and the Gift finds it purpose.
Vulnerable. Exposed. Bare. Naked. Uncertain. — In the arms of my Lord transformed into Joy, Strength, Truth, Dignity and Trust.
How shallow of me to think the Gift of my heart to the Lord would be received politely and simply admired for its intricate wrappings. Rather the Lord received my Gift with sincerity and with a wild love in His heart unwrapped the treasure inside.
Becoming Truth. That’s what I like to call this process.
It’s the process of our God given identity transforming the broken condition of our soul. Weeks have I spent greiving my brokeness when so sweetly my Lord whispered “you are more beautiful broken in the Resurection than you ever could be perfect in your flesh.” My brokeness — our brokeness — met and mended by the mercy and love of God as we lay down all our disappointed efforts at perfection give forth a beauty and wholeness that our humanity alone could never fulfill. Jesus is not afraid of the graves of our flesh, for He knows all too well the power of His resurection.
I’ve experienced an undoing of my soul similar to the relentless unwrapping of a long anticipated gift. To be honest, I wasn’t sure myself what He would find inside and I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to know. The uninhibited vulnerability that He requested from me in the process left me tip-toeing to edge and with one last exhale of uncertainty teetering clumsily into the Ocean of His Heart for me.
This process isn’t over, I certainly hope not at least. But as I dive (trip, fall, whatever it looks like on any given day) into His Heart, I beckon and call after all of you to venture with me.
The Lord, unafraid to ask of us all that we are, has so much more to offer than we could ever think or possibly imagine. So no matter what your unwrapping looks or feels like, I encourage to let the Lord have His process and you, too, will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Of this I am confident.
Joshua 1:9 “Have I not commanded you? Be Strong and Courageous, do not be dismayed for the Lord your God is with you where ever you go.”
With a Raw Heart…